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Be Afraid

Ah, Gwyneth Paltrow. You were a popular, if always faintly annoying A-list actress. Then you married a whiny British rock star, started a nauseatingly smug parental newsletter thing, and generally got right on everyone's nerves.

But now, you're back! And, er, you sing! First in the trashily-terrible music movie Country Strong, where you play a preposterous drug-addicted country music singer; and also in Glee, where you've been guest-starring as a teacher who likes to sing creepy songs by paedophiles. As a comeback strategy, how could it fail?!

Well, surprisingly enough, it hasn't. Gwyneth has reportedly been swamped with offers from record companies eager to sign her up. But mercifully she's not sure if she's going to take up any of the offers. 'I really would love to make a record but I don't know exactly how you do that so it's not cheesy. I have to just figure out what I do want,' Gwyneth told a US website. 'I am having fun with it, though, even if it's kind of giving me a mid-life crisis because I don't know who I am anymore.'

Poor thing.

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