Carla Bruni : new album set to divebomb

Something most of the English speaking world knew but have little vocally acknowledged has just been proved. Carla Bruni is a pretty shocking songstress.

Critics have been treated to a preview of Lady Bruni's third album "As If Nothing Had Happened" (out in the UK on Monday) and the reaction has been almost unanimously awful. In fact so awful Sarko's going to have to get himself down to the HMV bargain bin and fork out for a few hundred albums or she might not shift any!

The main gripes? Poor quality vocals (weak, feeble, raspy, whispery), and the lyrics (delusional, self congratulatory, cliched, pretentious etc etc.) In the track 'You Are My Drug' (an ode to Sarko) Bruni purrs, "you are my drug, more deadly than Afghan heroin, more dangerous than white Colombian". She also talks about 'giving herself' to her Presidential hubby. "I, who used to make men dance, I give my whole self to you," and "still a child, despite my 40 years, despite my 30 lovers."

Now yes Bruni's lived a fairly predatory sexually indulgent life, swishing round the world stealing boyfriends while looking vague and chic and preened and bored and ever so slightly peeved. But scoring junk in the Afghan hills? Dabbling in Columbian White? Screeches 'I'm desperately cool I am' even louder than Her Madgesty and Britney's mummy suit romp!

Overall prognosis for Bruni's singing career = not very inspiring. However the nice British media do like her on the grounds of being chic, fairly sexy for her age and regularly wearing cutesy ballet pumps. Have a listen to Bruni singing rasping wistfully with Bryan Ferry. Bleeding ears a go go.

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