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Christian rocker stops believing in god and tries to hire hitman to kill wife

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OK – this is priceless.

Heavy metal singer Tim Lambesis, the frontman for Christian – yes - Christian rock band As I Lay Dying has appeared in court to deny a charge of murder for hire. Having apparently had enough of his former wife and having decided to approach things in a drastically practical manner, he was released on bail of $3 million.

Lambesis was most unfortunate in his particular choice of hitman. According to Deputy District Attorney Claudia Grasso, the unfortunate holy roller had attempted to hire an undercover sheriff's deputy to murder his wife after she had filed for divorce. The singer gave the undercover officer – who was calling himself ‘Red’ in a twist so Hollywood that it should have aroused suspicion, an envelope containing $1,000 in cash, photos of his wife, her address and codes to get through the security gates of her home. As a doting father, he also supplied a list of preferred dates when he would be with his children, thus sparing them sight of their mother being assassinated and handily providing him with an alibi. A father of the year award is apparently already in the post to his prison cell.

Lambesis sent his wife an email in August while he was on tour, telling her he no longer loved her or believed in God. This was obviously a bit of an existential crisis for a Christian rock star, and when his estranged wife discovered a string of women had passed through his burning bush, she decided to sack him.

At which point apparently, Lambesis began asking anyone who would listen if they knew any hitmen. A worrying conversation with some bloke at his gym led to the setup of the undercover sting. His lawyer is now claiming entrapment. Wouldn’t it be ironic if he relocated Jesus while in prison. Or better still – converted to Islam

Written by Cyrus Bozorgmehr - Google+ Profile - More articles by Cyrus Bozorgmehr

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