I won't be doing that

In the long history that football and music have together, only twice has anything half decent ever been recorded. One of course is New Order’s peerless ‘World In Motion’, and a case could be made for the likes of 1970s ‘Back Home’ and the stately ‘Blue Is The Colour’ from the same year. However, mostly we’re looking at some dreadful abominations put on wax, and that must stop.

Fatboy Slim has the right idea. He’s ruling himself out of ever making a football song, despite the fact he’s a superstar DJ and a big football fan. The man clearly has good taste: he doesn’t like Dizzee Rascal and James Corden’s terrifying monument to all that is bad about football. Good lad.

‘I will never, ever do that,' said Slim to the Daily Record. 'I have been asked to do quite a few bits but I just think it's all a bit wrong. I love football and I love making my own music but I just think the two things should never come together. So what do I think of the Dizzee track? Well, it is all right, I suppose. Sorry, Diz.’

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