Miley Cyrus in bizarre bid to shed Hannah Montana image

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Twitter, the blogosphere, the press, Facebook and the internet’s deepest darkest corners were ablaze yesterday with one name – Miley Cyrus. Oh and one question – ‘what on earth was she playing at the MTV Video Music Awards?’

Yes – Hannah Montana has finally come of age and turned into what Jamie Foxx memorably described as a ‘Ho Bag’. She put pretty much everyone else in the shade and heisted the headlines away from an ever more pretentious and pseudo arty Lady Gaga and from the mystifying reunion of NSYNC – one of the proto boy bands that turned male singers into androgynous mannequins of mediocrity.

It was quite extraordinary really. Miley began her ludicrous bid to shed her child star image with a surreal solo performance that seemed like it had been dreamed up by a paedophile under the influence of strong medication. She emerged from a giant teddy bear, waggled her tongue like an over-caffeinated lizard making sexual advances in a glam rock video from 1983 and proceeded to grab her crotch when at all possible. It was all so very wrong. Apart from the fact that she was just so evidently over compensating – it was not the sexuality of the adult she apparently craves to be seen as, but absolutely saturated with the symbolism of underage sex. Teddy bears?? Really??

And it was all downhill from there as she duetted with the ubiquitous Robin Thicke. ‘Thicko’ as he is un-affectionately known in the Excite office sang his counterfeit hit ‘Blurred Lines’ with the new ‘doth sexually protest too much’ Miley as she stripped down to flesh coloured underwear, pretended to masturbate with a foam finger and twerked with El Thicko. The sight of the two of them performing simulated sex acts to a crowd of teenagers in such wholly unsexy and desperate fashion was the final cherry on a very offensive cake.

Talent and authenticity anyone?

Written by Cyrus Bozorgmehr - Google+ Profile - More articles by Cyrus Bozorgmehr

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