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Please, no

We must have made it clear by now that we love Dizzee Rascal. From hardcore English rap to inventive, catchy pop music, the man has just about done it all before reaching his late 20s, and should be regarded as a national treasure for his contribution to British music over the last decade: However, very few people come out of the World Cup song trap with their reputation intact (see below how to do it), so the news that our man is due to do a song with unfunny comedian James Corden is terrifying.

Even worse than that, Simon Cowell (ruiner of pop, wearer of stupid trousers) is the mastermind behind it, meaning he’s about to suck what life their might have been out of the song. Please Dizzee, don’t do it, for the love of God.

‘Simon got in touch with Dizzee with the idea,’ said someone to The Sun. ‘He really admires how Dizzee has gone from hardcore rapper to chart-topping hit maker. To say Dizzee was surprised to hear from him is an understatement. But they really hit it off.

‘Simon is supervising the project and suggested that Dizzee should share some vocals with James. They've taken a huge hit from the 80s and brought it bang up to date. It's bound to be huge.’

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