Taylor Swift and Harry Styles split

Alas it was not to be. Taylor Swift and Harry Styles will not be founding a dynasty of little Swift-Styleses crooning country-tinged derivative boy band pop ditties. Was that a wave of relief we felt going round the globe?

The month-long romance came to a shuddering halt while the couple were on holiday. An escalating lovers' tiff made it clear that the romance was heading in one direction: Splitsville. Well, the age difference was a glaring obstacle. Swift is a mature 23 while Styles is only just old enough to order himself a Lambrini in a pub. Not to mention those cruel suggestions that Swift was One Direction’s Yoko.

The Daily Mail had a suspiciously close view of what went down on the British Virgin Islands over New Year. "I can confirm they have split up," a handy source told the tabloid. "They were on holiday and had an almighty row. They are two young stars at the top of their game so who knows what will happen in the future."

Swift flew swiftly back to the States just a couple of days into the holiday, although rumours that she had got tired of Styles constantly saying he was off to find some British Virgins are unconfirmed. OK, made up.

Styles moped about disconsolate for the rest of the holiday, crushed by the loss of the sensitive and beautiful singer-songwriter. Oh wait, no he didn’t. He blagged an invite to Richard Branson’s Necker Island, then frolicked with young fans, posing for photos with a conspicuous grin. Styles "did plenty of partying", that indiscreet source added.

Swift has a habit of putting her romantic disappointments into songs. Expect the Styles affair to generate an entire album’s worth of pithy put-downs and overwrought emotional soul-baring. Actually Harry, to spare us that, is there any chance you could patch it up? Give the girl a call.

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