The big girl wouldn't let us have a go

It’s hard being pop’s reigning Queen, Lady Gaga. Not only do you have to keep coming up with preposterous outfits to wear every other day, perform a daft stage show and keep it going on the road for night after night, you also have little support acts going ‘meh-meh-meh’ in your ear, wanting their own soundcheck, asking to socialise with you and generally begging for some attention. Jesus, what a pain in the hole. Is it not enough that you’ve been given the chance to play in front of some of the biggest audiences in the country, Alphabeat?

‘The first time we got to see the stage was when we performed each night,’ said Anders SG, whose band opened for Gaga’s shows in the UK and Ireland this year. ‘She said, ‘I promise you'll get your soundcheck’, but we never did. We didn't really get to socialise with her either. She had 30 trucks and 12 tour buses. About five of those were for her clothes. We have one bus and a truck.’ Boo-hoo.

Previously the band had said that it was an ‘honour’ to be chosen by Gaga to support her on the Monsters Ball tour, but now there’s not even a hint of gratitude. Un-be-lieve-able.

‘She mentioned something positive about us in an interview once,’ said old grumpy boots Anders last month. ‘And then people from our camp started talking to her people and she decided on us, which is an honour.’ See? Back in line, maggots.

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